My God we’ve had some stinkers. You know we’ve had some stinkers when it was harder for me to trim this list down to a top 5 than it was for me to list our 10 best players of the Premier League era. Carlo Ancelloti has finally stopped us from being a laughing stock with his classy signings but for the past number of decades we’ve either been too poor or unattractive an option for a world class player.
We came into money when Moshiri took over 5 years ago but even then we were the laughing stock because we were just paying stupid money for the most mediocre players with Steve Walsh as our director of football and a string of useless managers until the Italian took pity on us.
Here’s a look at some of the worst from a very wide talent pool of sh*t players that have worn the Everton shirt. For this list I’m taking into account, the signing fee, wages, hype and subsequent disappointment and general stinking up of the place. I’ve also gotten a second opinion on one of them from none other than @thechicoazul of course
5. Diniyar Bilyaletdinov
“This won’t be popular as he was very popular, a very decent guy with a Cape Canaveral of a left foot but that’s why it ended. Diniyar just wasn’t suited to English football, so neither lacked the speed of thought nor legs to be anything other than a Goal Of The Month contender. His signing came at a vital time with Everton at their peak under Moyes and needing to use the Lescott bounty wisely. Eight figures on the Russian wasn’t that. Play him at number 10! Nah, we sh*t this one up.” @TheChicoAzul
No doubt that this signing was one that disappointed many Evertonians during a period when Moyes needed a star signing to push on. He was never consistent or healthy enough to hack it in the prem and the hype didn’t help. Unfortunate this one.
4. Yannick Bolasie
I don’t care if he’s Ballsy on Twitter, he’s annoying me now. Bolasie was in my opinion the fuel for our modern banter era. He came in after we got the cash injection for a whopping £25 million. We’ve now become used to dropping that much on bang average talent but in 2016 that was unheard of.
He had a good start to life at Everton but after getting two long injuries he was never the same as the player we bought from Palace. He became an internet sensation when he began tweeting like he wasn’t a footballer. It was charming for a while but when he wasn’t even picked to be in the Premier League squad and he’d still be chatting breeze about our teams performances online after a bad game, he began to grow into an annoyance.
Now all he does is moan about how much he misses playing but only recently took a loan move to Middlesbrough. If he really wanted to play he’d have left sooner. He’s only delighted to be picking up his ridiculous wages to do nothing and I bet he was sick when he was made go on loan.
Before we get into the top 3, take note of some of our other Everton articles and come back and check them out when you’re done!
3. Fabian Delph
This one is the freshest as it’s still ongoing and very much an issue for a lot of Everton fans. Delph never had the best reputation after ditching his captain role in Villa for the bright lights of Man City. The ‘snake’ then found himself at Everton after a few years and a handful of appearances for City. At the time fans were optimistic for a decent squad player – how times have changed. He’s our ninth highest earning player racking up a staggering £80,000 to sit on the bench or most of the time and actually not even the bench because he’s made of absolute glass.
“He’s been injured or ill for over 50% of matches since joining Everton. For some, his time at the club has turned into a tragicomedy but it’s no laughing matter. It’s frustrating” – Phil Kirkbride, Liverpool Echo
He’s now without a doubt our most hated player. Be it fighting with fans on social media, bragging about his money or laughing with old City mates during the game while they’re thumping us, it’s no surprise there’s no love lost between the us and Delph.
2. Davy Klaassen
Costing a neat £24.3 million, this absolute dough ball was one of the genius big signings of the biggest fraud in football, Ronald Koeman, during his spell. Signing in the summer of 2017 after captaining Ajax in the Europa League final, of course Everton fans were excited. Although it was strange that we had now three number 10s and very little depth or even players playing in natural positions elsewhere on the pitch.
He earned £73,000 a week here making 7 prem and 16 appearances in total throughout the 17/18 season and left in the summer. What a waste of time, money and space.
He’s not that bad. He’s a decent bench player and all but 6 goals and 6 assists in 3 years is not nearly worthy of his ridiculous £120,000 a week salary. That makes him and Yerry Mina our highest paid players current players currently. He makes £100,000 more a week than DCL to sit on our bench…let that sink in.
He was just such an Everton signing of that depressing era that his name actually upsets me. He was the full meme of that United guy going mad about Moyes’ team before Everton said they’ll have some of that. He wasn’t that bad I just hated where we were at that time and he was the type of player to define it. Just boring and average.
Don’t get me started on this Don. Another United reject that played whenever he felt like it. He started well but swiftly stunk up the place heavy after that to the point where fans would be fuming at the mere sight of him anywhere near the starting 11 or teamsheet.
A comment from the editor on Morgan Schneiderlin
“As editor of Agenda FC I’ve never made a comment on anyones article but I feel I have to in this case, F*CK Morgan Schneiderlin, do you know how bad you must be to make the top 5 worst signings for 2 clubs, this guy sold me dreams at Southampton then came to United and did absolutely nothing, hell awaits this guy.”
1 – Andy van der Meyde
This is the original “we can’t have nice things” Everton memory for me. In the early 2000s Van Der Meyde was tearing up the Eredivisie with his crossing and dribbling and many assists. He then went to Inter where he struggled to make the first team that was at this point star studded so when David Moyes’ Toffees secured top 4 and wanted to bolster their squad for champions league the following the season. They looked for the Dutchman to take them to the next level.
The Hype around him at the time was a bit over the top in retrospect but he had shown flashes of brilliance on the European stage so you can’t blame us for getting excited.
He signed in 2005 and we gave him €37,000 a week, more than double what he earned in Italy making him one of our highest earning players. He spent a decent chunk of that money on Alcohol, a pastime he took up in Italy when injured and my god did he have plenty of drinking time in Merseyside.
If he wasn’t injured he was too inebriated to play, clashing with Moyes multiple times. He developed Insomnia and got addicted to sleeping pills in the process so by 2009 he was as useful as a Johnny machine in The Vatican and ultimately was released.
Thanks for giving this list a read, let us know on our social media platforms what you think. Maybe I left someone out or was too harsh with some inclusions, we would love to get this topic trending.
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